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"Chloe Harris" really is the pseudonym for two writers, Noelle and Barbra, who've joined forces to write intriguing and sexy stories. A quintessential eccentric southerner, Noelle seems to find a story in almost everything. Ever ambitious to change her stars, she has a degree in Communications. Barbra lives together with her cat ('Princess Mimi'), who isn't very happy that she is spending so much time on writing. But this folly of the living can opener with opposable thumbs is mostly tolerated.

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Saturday, January 15, 2011

Back into the Groove

by Barbra

2007 my (now ex-)husband told me he’d been seeing other women for quite some time, because he couldn’t cope being with me otherwise. My mistakes - in his opinion - were that I was too headstrong, too ambitious, thinking too independently and that I was convinced he hadn’t created the world in 7 days but some other guy did that.
When I asked him to end it in dignity, he said no. What came then was what I’d never expected. Each time I thought it couldn’t get worse, it did. As I found out the hard way, a man doesn’t have to beat up a woman to be an abusive bastard. Players have more subtle ways to torture you; they love you or manipulate you into self-loathing (or both) when they’re playing, and they hate you with a vengeance when you see them for what they really are: soulless and thoughtless egotistic shells.

The last three years I had plenty of time to explore the various stages of mourning and heartache. At first I found excuses for his failing me. Then I thought I could make it all go away by jumping into more and more work (clearly I’d hit the stage of denial). After that, sadness so profound swallowed me that I thought I wouldn’t live to see another day. Since then I’ve had time to lick my wounds and wallowed in self-pity some more. I raged at how unfair it all is and at last cried myself to sleep.

Last Thursday at 2:50 pm the divorce was final. I wasn’t sad, quite the contrary; I felt cleansed and reborn.

So, since I’ve already gone through all the stages of mourning and mending a broken heart, I think it’s time to get a post-divorce check list together. I’ve already done the following:

* built a new nest
* celebrated my new found freedom

What else? I’ve got plenty more ideas, but maybe there’s something I overlooked? Any ideas?


Danielle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Danielle said...

I know that its hurtful and not something to say but....I WOULD LIKE TO CONGRATULATE YOU! You are Barbra worth much more than you would think. Forgetting him and starting anew is the best thing ever. Its freedom and its fresh air.

Its like re-eventing a new life and living happily and to the fullest. We as women do not need men to satisfy us. We can be happy with friends and family. We can be happy for who we really are. He was a prick really. I'm sorry he's done those horrible things to you and made you feel like a useless soul. But you aren't. Just do as I do...with ending a relationship or whatnot. I just live my life to the fullest and never allow others to use or misguide you. Be who you are and never forget yourself. He will be nothing but the past. So live towards the future. Forget the past. :D

Just Be HAPPY! Do what you enjoy most as well of course! It is the most fantastic thing to do! Love yourself. All he did was create a lesson in life to learn. That's how I take it now. A lesson to learn to avoid also in the future. Just remember that no matter what do not change yourself or your personality because of another or because of pain. Be who you are :D

Explore. Go on trips. Take pictures. Go to concerts. Go out to dinner with friends. Lol! Make stories :D !

Barbra (Chloe Harris) said...

Thank you, Danielle! Thank you for your kind words, and thank you for all your suggestions!

I’m proud and happy it’s finally over. Proud, because I’ve made it this far, now the sky is the limit! Happy, because he was like this ball on a chain around my ankle, dragging me down into that murky water. Now I’m free of the dead weight around my ankles and I feel like I’m hopping in a meadow surrounded by sunshine, green grass, flower petals and insects buzzing, etc.

He’s found another one to play with not so long ago. Even though I’m aware this sounds ugly, I’m glad he found her, because it was the only way he let go of me.
I understand he had to happen for me to learn a specific lesson God, the universe, or whatever deity you believe in intended to teach me. I do believe I learned my lesson well.

Yes, I’ll explore and, yes, I’ll take trips and ... I’ll get a life!!! *LOL*
Oh and stories! Mustn’t forget about those!

Danielle said...

Haha! That is awesome! LOL!