When to Accept the Inevitable

by Barbra

I’ve just finished a spectacularly bad novel by a renowned (!) author I've never read before. It was remarkably boring, amazingly inconsistent and astonishingly incoherent. I truly wonder if it wasn’t the guide–on–how–to–not–write–a–book textbook. It had all the typical rookie flaws in it:

the promise–but–not–deliver, ever–changing plotline (which immediately told me that the author was just typing something instead of plotting a beginning–middle–end. I mean, if you want to be regarded as pantser, fine. But – admit it – even pantsers need to know where they’re starting, where they’re going, and when they type “THE END”),

the non–existent character build (where every character looks and thinks and speaks and does the same – and oh, how pathetic those characters were),

the – if present, mind you – cliché descriptions and characterizations (yawn),

the head–hopping from one paragraph to the next (headache–inducing, accompanied by much going back over paragraphs to see in whose head you’re really in now or was it just another authorial narrator passage – in which case another yawn),

pages of showing instead of telling (now why should it be there if it’s not so important that the writer can’t be bothered to let me experience it so that I can make up my mind about it myself? What’s the point? I kept asking myself, is the author going to make a point anytime soon or just rambling on and on for the sake of word count?),

the sex scenes void of emotion and which had no point whatsoever (made my eyes glaze over and I constantly fell asleep – can you believe it??? That never happened before. I mean, I couldn’t even stay awake long enough to skip over the passages!),

the overuse of the word “then.”

The "spectacularly bad book" was clearly the very first manuscript the author has ever written (hey, our very first novel still has a chance, Noelle, do you hear me???) but it was published sixth or seventh. Maybe the author tried to get into another genre. But after an experience such as this and even though the author has already published several other books, I’m convinced I won’t ever touch another book by her. As a writer myself, I have my pride. And my pride would never allow that I’d publish the very first try (The monster-of-a-novel-that-shan’t-be-named will be forever Noelle’s and my dark secret - the very first manuscript always is, there’s a reason for it!!!). I wouldn’t wish that first try on my worst enemy, so why would I want to offend and possibly alienate my reader thus?

But all of this made me wonder: When do you decide to not read an author (any longer)?

I have the “Three Times” rule, as I like to call it. I’ve read many contemporary authors over the years. I’m an ardent admirer of some, others where a good ride, and the rest are experiences I won’t repeat again. Although I call myself an ardent admirer, I’m not a totally uncritical fan. True, when the new book of one of my favorite authors is out, I’m among the first to storm the bookstore. But if said favorite author doesn’t deliver, (s)he gets transferred to the less favorite, the so-called “trial” stack of books. If the next book disappoints again, the author is transferred to the “parting” stack. I’m not as fast to buy the next book and I’m not as enthusiastic about reading it. If that book then (the book after the second disappointment) is in my opinion another throwing–against–the–wall material, I don't read any other book by that author ever again.
However, the “Three Times” rule works both ways. If I find a book surprisingly good after the first disappointment, or reminiscent of the old glory after the second disappointment, the author is transferred back to the next higher TBR stack of books.
Every writer can have a bad day every once in a while. Being disappointed three times is as much as I can bear.
Are you as critical? More tolerant? Or less?

Whether an author has jumped the shark or not also depends on publicity: good reviews (by those who have read the book and understood it), bad reviews (by those who have read the book but not understood it or those who haven’t read the book at all), those reviews that are in between and don’t really tell you if it’s a good or bad book, biased reviews, you name it.
I don’t read reviews in general because I want to approach the book as unprejudiced as possible. But how much do you let yourself get influenced by a review? Do you read just one or more – or none at all?

What about you? Let me know your thoughts!

Tiny Juicy Tidbits

I love this video for the same reason I'm obsessed with the tumblr Coverspy . It's little tidbits like who's listening to what and who's reading what that give you these tiny juicy peeks into people that as a writer I just can't get enough of.

Poo By Any Other Name

by Barbra

Forced Seduction is a plot device that’s believed to be dead. It’s responsible for the negative connotation of romances, which some people still conceive of as bodice rippers. And don’t you just hate that name?

For me, Forced Seduction is highly disturbing, because it’s basically a rape fantasy: an alpha male rips a hapless . . . erm, helpless is what I wanted to say, or was it witless?
Anyway, the uber-alpha-testosterone-poisoned-hung-like-a-bull-male tears his dumbfounded victim’s clothes and pride (and legs, mustn’t forget those!) apart and takes her. Hard. Fast. Sweaty. Dirty.
Don’t forget to imagine the sounds that go with the image: he’s probably grunting like a Neanderthal man, the woman bleating in the face of his superhuman-sized c . . . oh erm, danger! Danger, I mean! And the woman is turned on by his dominance and climaxes again and again.

I’m sorry, but here’s where I draw the line. Anything “forced” is, as the term itself indicates, done against somebody’s will, not safe, not sane and certainly not consensual. Or am I wrong?

However, I’m well aware that there is such a thing as “rape fantasies”. Why women would have rape fantasies when they are repulsed by the thought of actual rape is beyond my grasp, never mind that such fantasies feature sex acts they would want to do only with attractive men.

There might be a number of explanations for psychologists (compare Why Do Women Have Erotic Rape Fantasies?). However, most of them are based on wild speculation. See for yourself:

The simplest explanation psychologists could find is that some women are just masochistic. Experiencing helplessness and suffering humiliation gets them turned on - provided they know what they’re going to is a game only.
Then there’s what psychologists call “sexual blame avoidance”. Some women are still brought up with the belief that a woman mustn’t crave sexual attention or experience sexual desire. Sex is, after all, dirty. By having sex against their will they avoid feeling guilty. This is one extreme.
The other extreme is “openness to sexual experience”. If you like sex and you’re also into the kinky stuff, kinky rape fantasies turn you on. But that’s not an explanation why a woman could have such fantasies if you ask me. It's just stating that if you have a healthy sexuality, you can deal with that stuff.
A thought-provoking concept is “desirability”. Some women believe themselves to be so irresistible so that men simply cannot bring their inner beast to heel. Again I can hear the Neanderthal’s grunt, can you too?
And speaking of the grunting, rutting Neanderthal: According to the article women still think men’s fantasies exclusively revolve around being sexually dominant.

*whip swishing through the air and landing on the slave’s butt* Hilarious, isn’t it? Now hurry up. My heels aren’t clean yet and I want to truss you up as soon as you’re done. You're up for a little CBT! *kicking the slave so that it remembers its place*

Sorry. Where was I? Oh yes.

I guess this Forced Seduction BS fits into evolutionary history where the female is predisposed to surrender. You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, and the male must hunt the female down and defeat her. By doing so, he proves he’s worthy of mounting her. (Again I can hear a Neanderthal’s grunt!)
And when we’re talking of predisposition, acting on instinct is what some can do best. In times of danger, a fight or flight response is activated: heart rate speeds up, you’re breathing faster, your pupils dilate - and you get aroused.
Uhm . . . really? I mean, are you serious??? You get aroused when you’re frightened to death? Sounds contradictory in itself to me. Be that as it may, I ain’t no psychologist. And them psychologists call that reaction to fear “sympathetic activation”.
The last explanation the article gives is “adversary transformation”. The definition is so ludicrous, I have to quote it here:

In one survey of romance novels (which tend to be written by and for women), the lead female character was raped in 54%. The male heroes are usually rugged warrior types and these books may illustrate a desire to "conquer the heart of the rapist" and tame him for marriage.

Okay, so, let’s sum up: Some women have rape fantasies. They’re generally no problem unless they pose a problem for the woman who fantasizes about being taken against her will. Psychologists lean toward explanations that involve earlier sexual abuse, masochistic tendencies, or just plain depravity.

Ahem. Sounds like women have a problem, but men don’t. I do beg your pardon, but - HUH?????

Well, I’m no closer to understanding than I was before. This is what I was trying to do here. I wanted to understand. I like to get the facts to a problem in order to understand it. Only then I can try to work toward a solution. You see, I had today off, so I thought I’d get comfy and read a book. The first third was fine. But then - wham! - I was confronted with a Forced Seduction - I thought nowadays it's no longer done!
I hated it. I have no rape fantasies, perhaps that’s why. It totally freaks me out when I read a book where the heroine is turned on by being manhandled - and I'm not talking about a little bondage and spanking here. I'm talking about a "fearing for her life, being beaten to unconsciousness and waking up to chains immobilizing her"-situation.
Forced Seduction is not for me. I guess I’ve finally found I do have limits!

Where are your limits when it comes to reading? What makes you uncomfortable? What is disturbing for you?

First Lines

by Barbra

First impressions are everything. As a writer, you should spend an awful lot of time on crafting the perfect opening sentence for your story. Many still seem to think the very first sentence isn’t all that important - the first paragraph is. Let me tell you, you’re wrong. With that attitude, you shoot yourself in the foot. The first line is the first thing a reader sees and it will determine whether or not she’s going to read the rest of the first paragraph or not.

I’ve read a few books already. Some I had to read, some I read for pleasure. The reason why I read a book aside, I discovered I enjoy books with a great first line much more than books starting like:

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents, except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the house-tops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

*eyes glaze over*

or:

I was born in the Year 1632, in the City of York, of a good Family, tho' not of that Country, my Father being a Foreigner of Bremen, who settled first at Hull; He got a good Estate by Merchandise, and leaving off his Trade, lived afterward at York, from whence he had married my Mother, whose Relations were named Robinson, a very good Family in that Country, and from whom I was called Robinson Kreutznaer; but by the usual Corruption of Words in England, we are now called, nay we call our selves, and write our Name Crusoe, and so my Companions always call'd me.

*yawn*

Granted, those are examples taken from the canon so the books are supposed to be great fiction no matter how I feel about the first sentence or the story as such. There are good examples for great first sentences from works in the canon as well:

If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins.

Miss Brooke had that kind of beauty which seems to be thrown into relief by poor dress.

I’ve got to stop now, or I’ll forget the next part of my blogpost! You can read more about the 100 best first lines from novels on this website.

Romance is the best there is, if you ask me, even though it’s not exactly supposed to elevate the spirit like literary works of art in the canon. I couldn't care less. I LOVE it. OMG, I love writing it. I love reading it! Ask me what I'd take with me onto a lonely island, and I'd answer 1000 romance novels and a hunk (or two if you insist I decide on three things).

In those numerous romance novels I’ve already read (and I read indiscriminately if you remember, historical, paranormal, fantasy, futuristic, you name it) I’ve also encountered numerous good first sentences. Here are examples of the books I still have here (the others have already moved *lol*):

A sound halted me at the door to my room, a rhythmic rattle, like a blind flapping against the window—except the sound was too fast for that, too fast and getting faster.

Chains rattled on the rough stucco wall as Audrey stretched her arms.

“Charles? What kind of name is Charles for a vampire?”

If I were to be totally honest I’d tell you that the moment I laid eyes on her, I knew I was in trouble.

“Oh, sugar, can you cook,” the woman purred as she thrust narrow hips off cream satin sheets and up his driving cock.

Only one kind of marriage ever bore Society’s stamp of approval.

She met Adam Serre on the night his wife left him.

The combination of a horse galloping far too fast, a muddy lane with a curve, and a lady pedestrian is never a good one.

Zoe Clare saw dead people.

Oh and let’s not forget this - if I may say so - brilliant *lol* first sentence:

If a lady was thinking of doing the unthinkable, she should dress unobtrusively.

How do you feel about opening lines? What’s your favorite first sentence?

PD Classic: Stolen Car - Brainstorming

A Whole New World in a Stolen Car- A Brain Storming Exercise

by Noelle

From time to time, we all need something to help us brainstorm and break us out of the dreaded writer's block. Not too long ago I was asked to lead a writing group with co-workers at my day job. Each month we'd have an assignment then each member shared their scene or essay or poem based on that exercise with the rest of the group.

Many of the assignments I pulled from The Writer's Idea Book by Jack Heffron but my very favorite exercise I developed from, of all things, a song by Sting. Everyone had a blast with the exercise and the scene I wrote lead to romantic suspense in progress.

There is a song on Sting's 2003 release Sacred Love entitled “Stolen Car.” In the song, the car thief imagines himself in the shoes of the car owner, seeing himself with a wife and kids at home and a mistress he takes out dancing.

The exercise worked like this, each member asked a friend, family member or co-worker the following questions and the answers could either be about their own car or they could make up the answers in any way they chose. 1. Describe a car 2. Describe something in the Glove box (not the registration) 3. Name the CD/Song in the CD/MP3 player 4. Describe something tucked in the visor 5. Describe something under one of the seats and which one 6. Describe a smell or smells in the car.

Each member shared the answers they received then each chose one to work with from all the entries. A couple of interesting things happened. First we got some very different descriptions. Some that were surveyed were totally literal: 1. A 2005 Toyota Camry with a leaking sunroof 2. A school fund raiser coupon book. 3. A mix CD with sunny driving music. 4. City Map 5. Half eaten goldfish crackers under the backseat 6.Smells a little musty from the leaking roof. *

And others tapped into their fantasies: 1.1956 Jaguar roadster 2. Dolce Gabbana shades 3. Bran Van 3000 -Glee (I still have no idea what that is) 4. Travel brochures for Belize 5. 9mm in a locked box under the drivers seat 6. Warm leather and sunshine. *

The most interesting thing though was how very different the writing could be when two members picked the same "stolen car." One member saw a Barney Fife-ish sheriff in a very small town in Arkansas where nothing ever happens finding the 1956 Jag abandoned on a deserted stretch of highway with the driver's side door still open. The items in the car were clues to the mystery. Another saw a female MI6 Agent driving the Jag down a mountain road in Turkey going undercover to catch a terrorist.*

If you're not writing a contemporary, you can tweak the questions and broaden it to “any type of vehicle” to encompass everything from a horse drawn carriage to an intergalactic trading vessel. Then ask someone to name three random items in the vehicle, a sound and a smell.

One of the best things about this exercise is that with different answers to the base questions it's ever changing and can be done over and over. Regardless of how simple or fantastic the answers you get, it’s a fun way to get the creative juices flowing for either a group or on your own.

*All examples used with permission